Ballet

I'm heading out to ballet class in a bit, and so I thought it would be a good time to talk about it with you.

You can't tell because no one else is in the picture,
but my feet are totally backwards here.

Last summer when we had out little family reunion at Lake Tahoe, one morning I had Loo teach me some of her sweet ballet moves. At the time, she'd been taking ballet for something like 6 months or maybe even a whole school year and she was in love with it. I just wanted to spend some quality bonding time with the kid sis by having her share something she loved with me.

This picture clearly shows my typical "ballet face."
It's super awesome.

She taught me to plie and I think we did some tendus and holy cow, I LOVED it. I could really feel how the movements were engaging all of my core and leg muscles and it was great. Later, I was talking to Ames about it and she mentioned she had gone to a 'toning barre' class that was basically focused on using ballet movement to build tone. And I though that would be perfect for what I wanted out of ballet and determined that I would look for a similar class once I got settled in Virginia

I'm totally making this demi-grand rond de jambe look easy.

Several (okay two) months later when I was finally settled in Virginia, I started really looking into ballet-style toning classes. But as I thought about what I really wanted to get out of ballet, I decided that I would be better off looking for an adult beginning ballet class. I wanted to learn how to move my body differently, and to really 'live' in it. I know that sounds weird, but I'd always kind of had an 'inner me/outer me' disconnect and I decided that I didn't love that, and I had this theory that taking ballet classes would help me get over that.

Posture could have been better, but I didn't fall over.
And that's something.

I was right. One thing that I have learned to really love about ballet is the way that it focuses your mental energy on your physical movements -- to do it right you have to find that mind-body connect, that inner me/outer me union. When ballet is working it's you, your body, and the music and I love that. It's different from running, where you can set your body almost on autopilot. I like running for that reason, actually, it's physically hard, but it leaves your brain mostly stimulus free and I find running a really good time to contemplate life, the universe and everything.

Soutenu turns are my favorite.

Ballet for me is the opposite. It doesn't (yet) require the same level of intense physical exertion that running does (mostly because I'm still beginning), but it does require a kind of single-minded focus on the moment, the movement, that drives out all other mental considerations.

I'm totally in this moment, and enjoying it.

A couple weeks ago, as part of national dance week, the studio that I go to had an adult showcase for their adult dance classes. One of the other girls in the class and I decided to participate and our instructor put together an adagio routine and a little waltz. Mostly I did it to please some friends who'd been wanting to see me dance, and it was really fun to perform actually. Never mind that I started in backwards fifth and that obviously neither of us was at "we've been dancing since we were three" level of ballet awesomeness.

We were no corp de ballet in perfect synch.

And it was obviously not as pretty and graceful on us as it was on our instructor who had been dancing since three.

This looked AMAZING when Rachel did it.

But I looked through the pictures that Annie took of the recital and was pleasantly surprised at how well I'm wearing ballet these days.

Just like a real ballerina, right?

Ruminations on the Circus

A few weeks ago, I went to the circus with RickReed&Brian.

Rick was very proud of the fact that he had gotten us $65 seats for $15 from work. Rick is very frugal and loves good deals.

Anyway, what I realized as soon as the circus started is that I'm not good at going to the circus. For one thing, there was always so much going on all the time that it was hard to decide what to watch ever.

For another thing, people in the circus do really intense tricks, like ride standing up on the backs of horses, which I was okay enough to take a picture of:

Or riding upside-down UNDER THE HORSE which is running really fast and would easily CRUSH THEIR HEADS if something went wrong and was way too stressful for me to watch, much less take a picture of.

It didn't help that one of the lions in the Big Cats act was really grumpy, but the lion tamer made her do tricks anyway:

And at one point she decided to let him know just about much she did not want to be doing tricks right now, thank you very much, and chased after him. (It looked like real lion crankiness, but I will grant the possibility that it was a trick intended to heighten the drama of the show. But I'm pretty sure she just wasn't feeling like doing tricks.)

Pretty much the whole first half of the show my entire body was tense from watching people throw themselve under animals, play with cats that really shouldn't be played with, suspend themselves on the points of spears, and do tricks while suspended BY THEIR HAIR!

Ugh! That just looks painful! Oddly, I was much more okay with tricks that were reliant on human skill and didn't involve suspending yourself on painful things. For example, I was pretty okay with this guy throwing himself through a sword-laden ring of fire

Well, at least more okay with that than I was about the two dudes who bent a steel bar by each putting and end of it on their sternum. And the acrobatic acts didn't phase me terribly either

And I liked the elephants

What most struck me about the circus, though, was how very circus-like it was. Like, every movie cliche you've seen about the circus was in the circus, and it got me pondering the lack of innovation in circusry and made me wonder about the history of the circus and how it got locked in its current form. (If anyone knows a good book about the history of the circus, I'd love a recommendation.) I feel like I probably never need to go to the circus again, because I've seen a circus and it was exactly like I expected a circus to be, but the traveling circus used to be like The Event that people waited for year after year. Which I guess meant that it had to maintain a certain level of familiarity, but I imagine that there also had to be quite a bit of innovation going on to keep people coming back to see what would be there this year. So what crushed circus innovation? And, is there a way to revive it?

I also spent a great deal of time wondering how one ends up as a circus performer these days? Like, for real, how does one become the girls dancing in plastic bubbles suspended from the ceiling, and are they passionate about it?

So, aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure I left fingertip shaped bruises on Reed's knees and that I had to spend the rest of the night shaking it out to get rid of built up stress, it was a fun night at the circus! And if you are interested, you can go see more pictures of the show over on SmugMug.

Why are Country Women Crazy?

Confession: I listen to country music. I think that country singers produce some of the deepest, sweetest, saddest, happiest, meaningfulest music being recorded today. Unfortunately, they are also producing this:

 (Think Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood. Lyrics: I dug my key into the side of his
pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive/ carved my name into his leather seats / I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights/ slashed a hole in all 4 tires/ Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.)

And this:

(Mama's Broken Heart, Miranda Lambert. Lyrics: Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation / Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make/ My mama came from a softer generation/ Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face/ Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up/ Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady/'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together/ Even when you fall apart/ But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart)

And this:

(Two Black Cadillacs, Carrie Underwood. Lyrics: Yeah they took turns laying a rose down/ Threw a handful of dirt into the deep ground/ He’s not the only one who had a secret to hide/ ... / Two months ago his wife called the number on his phone/ Turns out he'd been lying to both of them for oh so long/ They decided then he’d never get away with doing this to them/ Two black Cadillacs waiting for the right time, right time)

And this:

(Better Dig Two, The Band Perry. Lyrics: Put me in the ground/ Put me six foot down/ And let the stone say:/ "Here lies the girl whose only crutch/ Was loving one man just a little too much"/ If you go before I do/ I'm gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two.)

And are you serious!? What are we telling our daughters and sons about what it means to be women? Listen, I am all about girl power, but these songs? These songs are not about girl power. In fact, every single one of these songs puts men in control of women's actions. Even the "I bashed his car in" and the "we killed him for cheating" songs put the man in control of the woman's actions "he cheated and so I responded in an extra-legal, irrational way." (And the worst part about the "bashed his car song is that that man is not going to walk out of that bar and think "huh, maybe I shouldn't cheat on women." He going to walk out and think "that woman is crazy" and he's going to be angry at her, and possibly extend it to "all women are crazy" and he's not going to link the destruction of his car to his own behavior. Not only irrational, also ineffective.) The other two songs are even worse when it comes to their portrayal of women, because the dependance levels of the women in those songs is self-destructive.

I think the most insidious part of these songs is that the music is catchy and fun and has that "stick in your head" quality which serves to obscure the awful, awful messages about women that the lyrics are conveying.

Now, I don't think that some girl is going to listen to one of these songs and make a direct connection to her own behavior. But I think that these and songs like them create a whole, cultural idea of a woman that is 1.) dependent/obsessive in her relationship with men and 2.) irrational, overly emotional, unstable. That is a cultural representation of women that is pervasive (*cough* Twilight *cough*) and damaging. And like I always say, the things we see and hear become the things we think and feel.

Let's  be better than this.

Castle

My favorite show on TV these days is Castle. Mostly because Nathan Fillion is dreamy (and an amazing actor), but also because the writing and the acting are all excellent.

But sadly, I couldn't help feeling a little cheated by the conclusion of the two part "Target/Hunt" story arc. (If haven't seen it, and intend to and want to be surprised, stop here.) The Target part of the story, I loved. Nathan totally sold "Dad willing to do anything to get his daughter back" without over-acting it and I totally bought Molly Quinn as "scrappy, smart, and scared." Pretty much everything about this episode was great.

Which is why I was a little disappointed with the "Hunt" part. The whole things had done such a great job of building tension, selling character reactions, and just crafting a generally superb narrative only to ruin it with "Missing Dad is Missing Because He's a Secret Agent" trope. Gag me. The season had started to touch on the "missing dad" theme a little, so I'm not surprised that it came up, but Come on? A secret agent who loves his son but can never actually be a part of his life?" Maybe that happens. But... I'm not buying it. Plus, I feel like it weakens everything that will follow with Castle exploring the implications of "who Dad really is."

And I wasn't sold on "revenge kidnapping" either. The back story wasn't built up enough for me to believe that a guy who's so powerful that even the bad guys are in his power, was going to expend so much time, energy, and thought to kidnapping the granddaughter of Guy Who Killed His Wife even though there's really nothing to suggest that Guy Who Killed His Wife is vested in the relationship at all. There are other, better reasons Alexis could have been a target.

That said, I do give A-pluses to the cast, all of whom took this terrible plot point and at least made character reactions to it believable and wonderful. And Nathan as "determined dad" was exceptionally dreamy.

And Then it Was February

The good news is that I have definitely written in my journal every single day this year. The bad news, is that I've totally neglected Ye Olde Blog. I'm trying to decide if I actually care about neglecting the blog or not, so you people may have to be all "But Jules! We love reading your blog! Even more than your facebook posts!" in the comments section to remind me that I have a cadre of loyal readers who would be sad to see me go.

But how about an update on my life, eh!?

First of all, I think we should talk about how awesome I am. So awesome that I locked myself out of the house twice this last week. I really should get a spare set of keys made and deposit them with someone that I know and trust who lives close, but that would require leaving my house in one of the few unbooked hours of my week and going to the store, and kids, I haven't even made it to the grocery store (My fridge currently contains 2 almost dead zucchini, half a carton of cottage cheese, half a dozen eggs, and assorted condiments).

Or there was also that time that I went to the gym this week, and totally failed to pack hair product or makeup, so had to rock a ponytail/no-make-up look at work. That was also awesome.

Otherwise, I have been kept busy with volunteering at a nearby free medical clinic. I've been interpreting, which has been really fun, and also really good practice speaking Spanish. I go right after work, so volunteering makes for a REALLY long day, but I love it.

My other major weekly time commitment is ballet class on Thursdays. And, honestly, Thursday is the perfect night for ballet class. I'm usually starting to get that end-of-week drag going on and its lovely to set it all aside for a few hours and totally focus on beautiful music and beautiful movement.

Also, I don't think I mentioned that I got a calling, but I did, and it's Relief Society Instructor, and I taught my first lesson a week or so ago and I loved it. My lesson was on Ann Dibb's October General Conference talk, I Know It. I Live It. I Love It. and my lesson included an etymology lesson, so you know it was amazing.

Um... that might be it. I'm going on a cruise next week, though, so there will definitely be some exciting things to share about that.

Do You Have the Time?

Do you guys all know that object lesson involving rocks, sand, and a jar? Or I've also seen it done with marshmallows, sugar and a jar (yummier that way)? You know the one that's supposed to teach you the importance of prioritizing your time, and if you get the big stuff in the jar first, all the little stuff fits around it?

I hate that object lesson.

Because, unfortunately, time doesn't actually work that way. If I spend 22 minutes writing in my journal, I don't have those 22 minutes to watch a sitcom on Hulu. I can't go back and fill in the cracks of time when I was staring at my journal page deciding what to write with the sitcom. Or say I go to work for eight hours, and of those hours there are 22 minutes that I was doing something other than working. I can't compile those into a sitcom either. You get 24 hours and it passes you in a linear fashion, you don't get to go back an fill in the cracks.

I mention this, because I have not been able to do all the things that I want to do every day, and so I've been thinking about time management a lot lately. Here is a list of things that I would do every day in an ideal world.

• Work out for an hour
• Shower and dress 
• Sit down and eat three meals a day
• Go to work (well, this obviously would only be M-F)
• Write in my journal
• Seriously study the scriptures
• Spend quality time on my knees in prayer
• Visit with friends
• Read
• Watch a TV show
• Practice the piano
• Start practicing the viola again
• Clean my house for 5-15 minutes
• Call a family member
• Find an opportunity to serve someone 
• Sleep for eight hours

And that list doesn't even include all the things I would like to be engaged in that are not daily things, such as finding a guy, planning a menu and preparing food, budgeting and balancing the checkbook, attending Church and church activities, post entertaining things on this blog for your entertainment, and so on.

I've never been able to do all of the things on that list in a single day. Minutes slip by you while you're driving to and from places, they get lost in the walk from the car to the house and all of the coming home rituals (hang keys, take off shoes and coat, stash the purse, etc), they get used on other things like going to the bathroom. And even more than all the minutes that you spend transitioning between activities or whatever, there's the mental fatigue. I don't think I could be "on" enough to stay focused and actively engaged the entire 16 hours I'm awake.

So everything becomes a tradeoff. Do I practice the piano, or do I go to bed on time? Do I call a family member, or do I read a novel?

I think overall, I've figured things out and I lead a pretty balanced life. I look for opportunities to serve others, I schedule time with friends, I get to the gym, and I make sure that I get some down time. And I feel like I make sure that I'm getting the most important (to me) things done. But I can't help but be a little sad about all the things that I just don't have the time to be doing that I'd like to be doing (e.g. I would totally be a way better housekeeper if I didn't also have a full time job). 

So how do you do it? How do you decide which things are the Best Things and which are the Good Things that can get cut off the to do list when time runs out?

My Rating System

So I did a terrible job of recording what I read after about August last year, and that's a shame, since I have to be honest, I read so much sometimes that I often either can't remember what I've read at all or I can't remember many specifics about what I do remember reading, and occasionally, not very often, but occasionally, I can't remember how I felt about something I've read. Maybe some of you are like "Why bother reading if you can't remember anything about it" to whom I say "Do you remember every episode of every TV show or movie you've ever watched?" because reading is my TV time. Basically. I also watch TV and movies, but usually given a choice I'll read.

Anyway. It's a new year and that means that it's a great time to start over with things, and so I'm going to get back in the "record and review what you read" game. I decided that I wanted to be more systematic in how I rate my books, though because I feel like I'm kind of fickle in awarding stars on Goodreads, I don't want to be a fickle person. Therefore and herewith is my new rating rubric:

5 Stars

This is a book that I loved reading, that I'm still talking about, and that I will recommend to and/or buy for friends. Must be both well written and in some way profound.

4 Stars

This is a book that I enjoyed reading, that I may talk about, and that I will recommend. It is well written, but does not have a depth requirement.

3 Stars

This is a book that I liked reading and that I will endorse if you're already reading it, but will not actively recommend.

2 Stars

This is a book that I did not actively dislike reading, but would tell you not to bother reading.

1 Star

This is a book that have an active and specific dislike for.

And there you go.